An Equal Opportunity Offender


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

This House is Bike Fucked

As I was going about my morning business, I noticed a random Presta valve cap next to my tablet. This triggered a moment of "Master of the Obvious." I continued about my business but kept running into random bike things in random places that made no sense. My wife and I are both bike people so there is a lot of gear and shit jammed into our house. I guess sometimes things just end up where they end up...

PV Cap where no tube lives...

Multi-tool that should have been in my pack but instead ended up on the nightstand.

Co2 Cartridge tucked why nicely next to my computer, in the office where technically speaking no bike gear resides.

I assume I'm not the only person with this problem...

Friday, February 17, 2012

The industry may need to work on its marketing a bit

I am often amazed at how fucking retarded some of the marketing is within the cycling industry. Here are a few examples.

Example #1 comes at us from Suntour forks. Alloy steerer? Is that all you got? That was cool technology, oh say 20 years ago. And what's with the steering wheel?

Example #2, Shimano has this really cool chain tool. You wanna know how I know it's cool? It's cuz it was treated with a special coating. I'm not sure if this means it was clear coated with some dude's protein shake or if it has Teflon impregnated into the handle. Either way, it's kind of retarded.

Example #3, Another one from the big S. Special Grease? Yes I realize it works well for its intended purpose, but couldn't you come up with something a little more creative? Maybe Slick Honey, Red Rum or White Jizz. Those all sound better to me...

It may be a bad idea to pick your nose when being filmed.

Regardless of how fast you are picking your nose on camera is just not cool. But hurray for Psychocross!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Trifecta of bad shifting

The World is an Imperfect Place

As a good friend of mine likes to say, "The world is an imperfect place." So shit happens.

If you are anything like myself or the folks with whom I turn the pedals, you probably like to turn the pedals hard and put your two-wheeled love machine through the paces. When said activities are taking place you rarely have time to be thinking about whether you torqued your XTR cranks to the specified 13 NM or if it was done in the alternating fashion prescribed by the Japanese God of Cycling, Shimano. Hopefully, you or your wrench of choice has done said things and you can ride into the sunset without worries.

But as I started this here post, the world is imperfect and shit happens. Anyone who rides has found themselves stranded on the side of the road with a broken bike in one hand and the look of defeat in the other. At this point you hopefully aren't praying to the Japanese God of Cycling that you remembered to restock your saddle bag or that your multi-tool is, in reality, safely tucked in your Deuter hydration pack. If any of those thoughts are racing through your mind, you are not alone. Many a cyclist has been stranded on the side of the road hoping that the red neck that just about killed them five minutes earlier can forget the middle finger salute they received and give said cyclist a ride back to town.

Seeing that I tend to ride with people who are proficient in maintaining and repairing their own bicycles, I have found that there exist two main types of trail side repairmanperson.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Anyone else ever experience this?

I'm pretty sure I'm the only wrench in existence with this problem.

You see, I'm hairy. Like Harry and the Hendersons Hairy. When I wear shorts and I am airing up a tire I always forget that it is a bad idea to have the wheel leaning up against my leg. Using an air compressor to fill things up means the tire expands quickly catching the hair from my legs between the bead and the rim. It hurts.

If you look closely, you can see my hair.

That is all.

Santa Cruz and SRAM are officially divorced

Santa Cruz Syndicate - San Romolo Testing from santa cruz bikes on Vimeo.

I think I would have made the same decision. You all know my disdain for their parts of late, it hasn't always been this way.

I took XTR derailleurs off my bikes in the early 2000's in favor of XO. The fixed knuckle was an advance in derailleur technology that has become standard affair. As recently as three years ago I had bikes spec'd almost entirely from SRAM. Then Elixir brakes went into their 2nd year of production. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it sucked.

However, it did always bring a smile to my face to see that 2nd set of shifters in the bike boxes. You know "just in case" the first set doesn't work...

More info here.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Not Obsolete Anymore

This is a tool that should be completely obsolete. The only reason a shop should have one, should be to tweak old brakes. Old as in the 80's. I should not be using this on brand new caliper brakes. Unfortunately it is a tool that I use on a regular basis on new, out of the box caliper brakes from that brand that makes so many OEM products, Tektro. I'm not sure why, but they just can't quite seem to get the arms straight...

As a side note I could not find this tool offered from Park any more (granted I searched for about 32 seconds but that is beside the point). So I guess I should just be happy I have one at my disposal for those times when they are actually needed.

For those of you unfamiliar with this tool, it is a Park BT3. It is used to "tweak" the arms on a caliper brake to get the pads to line up or toe the way you want. With modern brakes the arms are usually formed close enough to straight that with the conical washers now used you can get the pads to line up. Unfortunately, there are still some cheap ass brakes out there that just don't quite make the cut.

You can get a visual here,

I guess I should thank God that I work in a shop that has been around long enough to have old tools that are no longer available.

Or something.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

BB30 Fixing Bolt

If you still have play in your cranks after tightening the fixing bolt, keep tightening it. The key is to stop before the bolt breaks...

Thursday, February 2, 2012


What every tri-dork needs, a sippy cup integrated into their $6000 frame. Wait, how do I clean it?