An Equal Opportunity Offender


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

If you want more, go here!

I am going to leave the site up. There will be no new content after this post.

I have taken some of your advice and I am going to continue to comment on the cycling industry and its failures, foibles and successes. Albeit a lot more positive and less vulgar. I am going to conglomerate the content into my other blog and tone down the negative. You will have to dig through the "other" content about actually riding my bike and the local events that the MCA puts on, but the fucked up stuff will be there. Look for the tag TBIF...

Now go fucking ride your bike!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

This website is Fucked!


It's been a good run. We've had some laughs. We've pissed off plenty of people. We offended even more. We even did some constructive work in teaching at least one person how to properly lube a chain. Unfortunately, what started out as a small, critical blog has become a bit of a monster lurking in the nightmares of my sleep. I can't keep up the facade of negativity any longer. I love riding bikes and the people who ride bikes too much to keep pointing a fucked up middle finger at all of them. It's just not what I want to do or be known for doing. So I'm out.

I will leave the blog up for a couple more weeks. If there is anyone who would like to take up the torch and continue this bull shit. Hit me up. We can probably work something out. Otherwise it will go black...

So long, and thanks for all the broken chains!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Fucking Bicycle Commuters

I'm back! Did you miss me? If so, you should quit spending so much damn time on the internet and go ride your fucked up bike.

For those of you who did miss me, I spent four days completely cut off from the modern world. In the desert with no internet connection, no bikes and no one around. I guess you could say I went Edward Abbey on my vacation. And it was awesome. It was so awesome mind you that the moment I stepped out of my truck I thought the world was coming to its much needed end because it was so damn loud.

The next thing that hit me was this article from Bike Rumor which happens to be the best comedic website I've come across since But then again anything Twilight related just makes me bust up laughing. Anyway, the article was about this amazing idea...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Problem Solvers

Problem Solvers Bedbugs from Problem Solvers on Vimeo.

QBP always coming through with the save... I know I've had a few calls that were about as out there as this one.

Kestrel Bizarro World, Round 2

Some of you may have remembered our trip into Bizarro World where I was asked to assemble a Kestrel from Colorado Cyclist. When I removed the cranks to grease the BB threads, it was blatantly obvious that something was array. Namely that the cups were on the wrong side of the bike and that neither of them would budge regardless of the amount of force applied.

Through this experience I was forced to speak to a Colorado Cyclist to explain what was wrong with the bike. When he finally got it and said he would be sending the customer a new one, he asked, "May I ask why you took the cranks off?" Answer in my head, "Cuz you fuck wads obviously didn't."

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Another marketing fail

The Speed Limit brake. Wow, that is awesome. Order me two. You know what would have been even better, Speed Limiter brakes. Yup, nothing better than actually branding something with a synonym for what it is. Then you could do a whole fixed gear cog range that is called, "Brakes only slow you down." Or even better, a fixed gear specific front brake, you called call it the Endo. Or maybe the "Oh shit this was a bad idea" brake.

I guess since Butt Dragger went with the Speed Limit thing, it would seem logical that they would put the limit on the brake. Such as 5 mph...

Fucking Search Terms

There is something wrong with you people. Bicycles are not meant to be fucked in the sexual term nor is this site in any way sexual. But god dammit if a good chunk of you don't get here looking for that....

Friday, March 2, 2012

The dichotomy of, oh fuck you! I'm making fun of racers.

The fact that ScRAM and SRM are both pursuing this market goes to show that there really are only two types of riders. And no the two divisions don't have to deal with mountain or road or CX or XC or pickles. Racers are divided by how they react to the world around them. There are those that are so uptight they have to use a heartrate monitor during the morning dump to ensure they stay under threshold and those who are blatantly unaware of the mechanical side of their sport.