Fucking Bicycle Commuters

I'm back! Did you miss me? If so, you should quit spending so much damn time on the internet and go ride your fucked up bike.

For those of you who did miss me, I spent four days completely cut off from the modern world. In the desert with no internet connection, no bikes and no one around. I guess you could say I went Edward Abbey on my vacation. And it was awesome. It was so awesome mind you that the moment I stepped out of my truck I thought the world was coming to its much needed end because it was so damn loud.

The next thing that hit me was this article from Bike Rumor which happens to be the best comedic website I've come across since http://twilightguide.com/tg/. But then again anything Twilight related just makes me bust up laughing. Anyway, the article was about this amazing idea...

I thought to myself, "Why didn't anyone else think of this?" I guess it's because there tends to be a layer of bar tape over bars that would inhibit the lights actually being useful. I then scrolled down and found that he had thought of that as well and had either created a set of grips with holes for the LED's or had simply cut a spot out of his tape. I can't really tell from the picture and I don't give a fuck so not enough of a reason to click through to his site.

It also claims that he is working on directional blinking barend plugs. I think I will hold out until he comes up with the license plate holder light.

I guess this isn't much of a surprise that this idea is kind of stupid. After all it is commuters who brought us Bike Dork Yellow and Bike Dork Green as standard colors for bicycle apparel. No wonder people are always trying to run us off the God damn road, we look hideous and they are probably blinded by the sight. And by we I mean the collective cycling population. I personally don't own anything that is a Bike Dork color.

These are also the same people who will go on and on about how much money they save by not owning a car and then five minutes later tell you they don't have any money to buy the lube they need and ask you to lube their chain for them for free. They will wear their braking surfaces all the way down to failure. Their chains are so worn you can't find a tool that can effectively read it. I've contacted KMC to see if they can add some length to their digital version and put a face with a bullet hole and blood for the commuter worn level.

I get it, I also ride my bike to work on occasion but the smugness and safety precautions are a bit much, don't you think?

Now I am going to spend the rest of my morning trying to figure out a way to get back to the dessert...

Ride more.