An Equal Opportunity Offender


Monday, August 26, 2013

Do you shave?

You'll be surprised to whom these legs belong.
You'll be surprised to whom these legs belong

As humans, it is our moral obligation to divide ourselves into the haves and have nots, the doers and the shakers. We must categorize, stereotype and file each person based on our perception of who they truly are. As cyclists, this is amplified. I mean really, what the hell is a gravel bike? I don't own a bike that I can't ride on a gravel road. And all of my bikes have seen dirt at one point or another, but I digress...

There are three types of cyclists. There are those who shave, those who don't and those who shave depending on which bike they ride. As an aspiring professional cyclists, it is important that you choose the appropriate level of leg hair for your chosen discipline.

Does the idea of having tan lines that are perfectly defined on your biceps, thighs and calves appeal to you? Are you willing to suffer through pedaling for hours on ends with some other dude's ass right in front of you? Have you fantasized about having legs smoother than your girlfriend's so you can feel them at night when you are all alone? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you need to shave.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013


So these were made a couple of weeks ago and sold out the first day. We will be reordering on Sept 1st. If you want one, preorder it here.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Fucking eBikes

My new car fits in my drum room.
My new car fits in my drum room.

So I decided it was time to be all "trendy" and what-not and jump on the hybrid band wagon. I thought if I was going to go green, I should go all the way. So I'm trading in the Mooseknuckler-mobile for the car pictured above. No it doesn't get good gas mileage because there isn't any fucking gas.

I was a bit skeptic of jumping on the Ebike thing. Even after testing them in downtown Denver during the US launch. Riding through traffic at 30 mph was a giggle, but I had a hard time justifying a bike that I had to charge. And I still do.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

$1700 Fucking Pedals

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, or just don't peruse the cycling world like most cyclists, you've heard about Garmin's new pedals. People who have heard of them are broken into two groups. First group, They're super sweet, cost $1700 and can tell you how much power each leg is laying down. Or if you are part of that other crowd, they are $1700 fucking pedals and why would anyone want pedals that cost that much. I've got plastic pedals that have lasted for years and cost me $10...

The first group is going to buy the pedals, they have the money and yes, it is important to them to know how much power each leg can throw down. That way, if they ever need to decide which leg to cut off they can make an informed decision. They also are going to love the fact that they can move them from bike to bike without too much fuss. A lot more convenient than their SRM crankset they've been rocking since Dura Ace 7800 was cool.


Friday, August 9, 2013

I fucking hate cutting my fingernails!

The start of the Tour of Utah in Brian Head

I hate cutting my finger nails.
Which has nothing to do with the Tour of Utah photo to the left. That has more to do with the fact that I went and watched the Tour on Tuesday and realized that A) the Tour of Utah is really fucking cool. 2) Roadies go way too fast, it's hard to get a good picture.

But back to my dilemma, because I am confident that this will be relevant to all of you, somehow. I hate to cut my fingernails. Not because it's a tedious task that never gets finished, or that it just seems ridiculous that we ever have to do this, but due to the fact that finding a descent set of clippers is nigh impossible. I am a bit of a tool snob, which goes great with everything else in my life. I guess you could really just call me a snob. But I do like tools that are well built and that work. Fingernail clippers are tools and I cannot find a good one.

I could understand this problem if I wasn't willing to spend the appropriate amount of money to procure a quality set of clippers. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places, but I can't find a set of clippers for more than $7. And that version isn't worth a shit.

Read more.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

A Desperately Needed Dying Breed

Somebody didn 't get some BB love
Joe dropped his bike off.

Joe and the shop go back about a decade. He had purchased a bike from another shop and they could never get the shifting to be dialed in. He brought it into us to see if there was anything we could do. He was frustrated to the point that he was willing to get a new group, if we could make his shit work. A coworker took a look at it. Noticed that the shifter only had 8 clicks when it should have had 9. Disassembled the shifter and moved the plate to make it the right amount of speeds. Shifting worked perfectly.

Joe has come back ever since. And he lives 5 hours away. He dropped his bike off again. He had just had it tuned elsewhere as he couldn't get down to us and needed it to be working. The rear derailleur was ghost shifting.

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