Caption this...

The industry may need to work on its marketing a bit

I am often amazed at how fucking retarded some of the marketing is within the cycling industry. Here are a few examples.

Example #1 comes at us from Suntour forks. Alloy steerer? Is that all you got? That was cool technology, oh say 20 years ago. And what's with the steering wheel?

Example #2, Shimano has this really cool chain tool. You wanna know how I know it's cool? It's cuz it was treated with a special coating. I'm not sure if this means it was clear coated with some dude's protein shake or if it has Teflon impregnated into the handle. Either way, it's kind of retarded.

Example #3, Another one from the big S. Special Grease? Yes I realize it works well for its intended purpose, but couldn't you come up with something a little more creative? Maybe Slick Honey, Red Rum or White Jizz. Those all sound better to me...

Not feeling too smooth, eh?

Nah, at this point I wouldn't service it. It's just time to say good bye.

PSA #2. How to Fucking Clean your Bike

I've seen a lot of creaky bikes with rusted out cables and hubs that won't turn to save their lives. I also happen to live in the desert. There is not a lot of rain, humidity or salt floating around. This isn't Hawaii. Remember desert means there isn't a lot of water. From where do all these fucked bikes come? You've all seen the photos, the rusted out bb's, the housing with orange radials hanging out the sides and the dumbfounded look on the owner's face when you tell them they need some new stuff. Well, in my case, of living in the desert, it comes from the method used to clean the bike.

Over the years, we have noticed a significant trend for bikes that are shiny clean but are rusted out. Bikes that should be dirty, we know they are being ridden regularly, but when they come in for service not a spec of dirt can be found. Of course, Lake Bottom Bracket is there. If you push down on the suspension you can hear the bearings grinding against each other causing that awful creak we all want to avoid. Shifting is always sub-par and often creates a similar sound as the suspension linkage.

Oh, we know exactly what happened. You fucked your bike. You took it to the car wash and paid to destroy the thing. Sure it looks clean but let me show you what is inside.

What's to be done? Well, let me teach you how to clean your bike...

Six Things to Remember when Servicing Mavic Freehub Bodies

When servicing Mavic freehub bodies (old bushing style) there are a few things that you should remember.

1. The little adjuster knob on the non-drive side of the hub is not meant to hold the hub together. The axle and the fixing bolt for the freehub body should bottom out on each other and be tight. Once this has been accomplished you can adjust out the play with the adjuster nut/knob, whatever.

2. When disassembling said freehub body, there is a good chance that at least one pawl will fall out accompanied by the washer. Oh, yes there is a washer. It goes between the external shell and the hub body, it's kind of important. Pay attention to what came out and where it went.

3. The rubber seal is the only thing that keeps dirt out. Don't cut the thing in half. It is not causing the drag your customer is complaining about. Keep the seal.

4. The drag and possible loud squeal at high speeds your customer is talking about is caused by the lack of lube on the bushing. This is why you pulled the thing apart to begin with. This lube is important. Do not use grease. Especially the green Park kind. It's too heavy for this application and will not solve the problem. Use the Mavic lube or the newer Dumonde Tech Freehub Body lube. Both are designed for this application and work great.

5. After you have cleaned all the insides, inspect the parts. If there was a lot of play to begin with you may have worn bushing. It should be yellow. Is it black? How about them pawls? Are some of the corners missing? Replace broken, lost or worn parts, there aint no reason to be puttin' broken shit back together.

6. When the customer returns and you show them that the wheel spins freely and barely makes a noise. They will be ecstatic and tell you how much of a genius you are. At this point you need to remind them that the whole problem was caused by a lack of maintenance and that they should come see you again in about 700-1000 miles to have the freehub serviced. Or sooner if the damn things starts making noise or had lots of wear on the fixed side of the bushing (the part that can't be replaced).

Orange is a good color.

OK. OK. Here's a tip. Even if you own a sealed cartridge BB take it out every once in a while and apply some fresh grease to the threads and clean the puddle out of the shell. Just a thought. You might also want to avoid that power washer you have been using to clean your bike.

Fixie Stickers

Go here.

Fuck the Cool Factor!

I'm gonna go ahead and say what none of you want to hear.

You know all those blingy parts you recently purchased, all those fancy colored due dads that were supposed to be so much better than last year's model, all those Chris Bling and American Crassic lightweight parts. Those are all shit. You might as well throw them away. You might as well recycle them.

Yes. I get it. There is a cool factor involved in every purchase. Having the latest and the so called greatest is a way of life and if it motivates you to ride, I'm cool with that. I'm just sick of all the bull shit marketing that goes into those fancy parts that everyone is drooling over. Fuck the cool factor!

This is how it all breaks down. The safety bicycle came out a couple of hundred years ago, or so, and not much has changed since. You have two hubs, a bottom bracket bearing, a crank, a chain, some cogs, a steering bearing, a frame and a few other miserable parts that aren't worth mentioning. If you came across one of the original safety bicycles, or a penny farthing for that matter, you would notice that all this hyped up bull shit is almost identical to what came out a hundred years ago. All of our fancy manufacturing practices have done what? Provided you with a better selection of colors.

Tis not the season for headset bearings

Destroyed

This bike had some "drag" in the headset. I pulled the top cap and I knew immediately what the problem was. The top bearing was fixable but the bottom was completely gone. Unfortunately this is an old USPS Trek with a 1 1/4" bottom bearing size with no taper on the bearing. The Trek dealer in town said he could possibly get one for me but he would have to call and find out. For now, it still has drag.

An Sworks Epic 29'r came into the shop for some work. Customer was complaining that his headset hadn't really felt the same after TrueGrit. So I opened it up to find the inner race of the lower bearing had fused itself to the fork crown race. Yea, I bet it didn't feel very good.

While I was figuring out how to get the race off the fork. I saw this,

Really? It comes with a straw?

The reply, Yup, so you don't mess up your lipstick.

Out.